WELCOME BABY DAX

"Babe, I think my water just broke"

The words that I uttered on the morning of December 28th, 2020. The words that threw me into the greatest adventure of my life.

5:30 AM //

I had woken up to go pee for the 20th time that night. I got out of bed, fumbled my way to the bathroom in the pitch dark, dribbled, and then mozied on back to the bed in a sleepy daze.

Upon climbing into bed, I felt a warm gush of fluid. It was small, but noticeably different than anything I had previously felt. Confused, because in the movies you always hear about how your water breaking is the equivalent of the Hoover Dam collapsing, I reluctantly woke Jacob with a "babe, I think my water just broke".

Busy Morning //

We both got up and started going about our day. I still wasn't sure if what I had felt was my water breaking or if I had just not fully emptied my bladder earlier (ah, pregnancy), though we began to prepare as though today was the day. I remember looking at Jacob in the bathroom, saying "12/28/20...sounds like a good day to have a birthday."

I got dressed, ate breakfast, took the dog outside and began gathering our hospital bags and adding the final touches. Today was the day that my in-laws were moving back to Ohio and they were already upstairs preparing for the movers to arrive. The plan was that I would take Cooper to Pet Paradise for his day of play and then when the movers got to the complex, Penny (MIL) would come downstairs with their dog, Kate, and hang out with me for a bit.

I ran into Jon (FIL) on my way downstairs with all of our bags. He looked at me funny and I didn't want to cause false alarm, so I said "just want to have these in the car....just in case," to throw off suspicion. He helped me get the bags in the car, none the wiser and off I went with Cooper to Pet Paradise.

I still wasn't having any contractions by this point and I hadn't had any more gushes of fluid, and I was beginning to think it was a fluke. Then, just as I walked into the door of Pet Paradise, another gush of fluid. Not much bigger than the first one, but I immediately knew this was no coincidence. It was baby day.

I rushed home and finished up some minor work tasks that needed completed if this really was labor, and in the meantime, called the OBGYN for instructions. My mother-in-law came down shortly after I left a voicemail for the office and I knew that there was no way I was going to get this past her (she works in labor and delivery for the very hospital I was going to be delivering at), so I fessed up. She agreed that it was probably the beginning of labor and we laughed together at the uncanny timing of his arrival before I headed out to the hospital to get confirmation.

GUSH //

I arrived at the hospital a little after 11:00 AM. It was a beautiful, sunny, warm and humid, Florida morning. I stopped to take it all in. If this was happening, I wanted to soak in every minute. It felt so surreal. I had spent the last nine months coming to this hospital for all of my checkups and now, this was potentially going to be one of my last visits.

In typical hospital fashion, I got checked in and waited for over an hour for the doctor to see me. By the time he finally arrived, Jacob had left work and was waiting there by my side. The doctor explained that if the test came back negative for amniotic fluid, that I would need to return home and continue the wait. Just as he began to check my dilation, my water fully broke.

GUSH. It was indeed, as though the Hoover Dam had collapsed. And thus began active labor.

WOAH, That Hurts //

Once I got cleaned up and changed into my very fashionable hospital gown (said no one ever, haha), we were transferred to our delivery room. The fun thing about being in a hospital in Celebration, Florida (a Walt Disney community prototype, if you don't know), is that it's close enough to the Disney World theme parks to see some of the attractions and nightly fireworks from your room -- we saw the Tower of Terror from ours, which seems fitting for the physically intense situation I was about to find myself in.

At the time of check-in, I was around 3 cm dilated. Since the doctor considered me to be in active labor since the time I first felt fluid (5:30 AM), they considered me to be at risk for infection if labor didn't begin progressing quickly. I wanted to have as natural of a birth as possible and I wanted to avoid pitocin and epidural. The doctor agreed to let me try my own methods of progressing for two hours and if I didn't dilate further, he would have to start me on a pitocin drip.

As soon as my water broke (around 1:30 PM), contractions started coming pretty fast at around 3 minutes apart. At first, they weren't too bad, I could talk and breathe through them. We were taking selfies and laughing. I got in the shower to try and ease some of the pain and relax, because that's the key to opening the cervix. I bounced and rolled on the birthing ball. I tried to do squats.....nothing.

They hooked me up to the pitocin drip and things really started ramping up from there. The contractions were getting stronger by the minute and I could hardly talk. Every time I felt another contraction come on, I prayed it would be the last.

We had the sweetest nurse, named Wanda, who may have actually been a real life angel. She was such a joy and light through this difficult journey. Anytime I would cry out, she would encourage me and remind me that every labor pain was bringing me closer to meeting my precious little boy and that my body was doing exactly what it was supposed to be doing. I was made for this.

As contractions continued, I tried to practice what I had spent nine months learning about through podcasts and books. I took full, deep, belly breaths in and wide, open mouthed breaths out. Focusing the exhale on my abdomen, where the contractions were taking place, though it was incredibly difficult to focus on anything but the pain at that time.

At times, I would snarl my mouth up as though I was roaring on my exhale. Determined to gain control. Other times, I would simply feel. Flowing with the waves. It sounds strange to say that John Mayer was an inspiration through this process, but his song "Emoji of a Wave" kept running through my head.

"It's just a wave, it's just a wave. And I know, that when it comes, I just hold on. I just hold on."

I had mentioned this to Jacob when I was in the shower earlier and being the sweet, incredible man that he is, he decided to put this song on for me when my contractions were getting really intense. *insert ugly cry* -- I'll never hear that song the same way again.

"I Have To Push" //

At around 7:00 PM, the nurse checked my dilation again and I was at a 7. At this point, I was getting exhausted and worried that I wasn't going to have enough energy to push when the time came. I weighed my options and thought, I would rather have an epidural than have to have a c-section because I couldn't push, so I asked.

The nurse called the anesthesiologist, who was in with another patient at the time, so we had to wait for them to finish up there first. Maybe 10 minutes had passed and I felt the urge to pee, so I asked Jacob and the nurse to help me to the restroom. Just as I had begun to stand, I suddenly felt the urge to push.

When I said that aloud, the nurse panicked and wanted me to lay back immediately so she could check my dilation again. Sure enough, I was at 10cm. It was time to push. Without an epidural.

Here Comes Baby Dax //

After that, it was all a blur. A team of nurses came in to assist in getting me into position. They turned off the ambient lighting and on came the surgical lights above my head. It was bright, but I didn't care. I was exhausted and ready to meet my son.

I don't know if this is how it is for all women, but for me, I entered this trance-like state. It's almost as if the world went black except for the view of the doctor in front of me and Jacob beside me. They were the only two people in the world that mattered in that moment...and Dax, of course.

It was intense. Instead of praying that the contractions wouldn't come, as I had been earlier, I remember feeling like hours were passing in between, praying that the next one would hurry and arrive (I could only push during an active contraction). Each time a wave would come on, I would hear Jacob telling me the contraction was starting and the doctor counting slowly to 10, while I pushed. Jacob would occasionally peek down there and announce the progression, keeping me going.

I was hot. The hottest I had ever been. I could feel my whole body shaking, sweaty and tired. I couldn't talk. I could only listen and rest in between pushes. Jacob later told me that the nurses around me were all whispering amongst themselves about how quiet I was and how I was doing this unmedicated.

I was getting close. I could feel the ring of fire as baby boy's head was crowning. Jacob shouted "you're so close, Des! I can see his hair!". I focused my energy and the doctor stopped counting. I could hear him say that I didn't need him to count anymore, I was pushing exactly the way I needed to. Then, he told me...

"one more big push and he'll be here".

It felt like eternity had passed until I felt that next contraction come on. I gave it everything that I had left and finally, I heard crying.

Welcome To The World //

At 8:44 PM, Dax Haden Hooper made his arrival. 7lbs. 10 oz. and 21 inches long. He was screaming and crying and he was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

I remember making a deliberate effort to open my eyes and look as, the doctor held him up. I had waited so long for this moment and I wasn't going to let exhaustion rob me of it. They laid him on my chest and I soothed and snuggled him. I looked at Jacob and my world felt complete.

The next few days were beautiful and hard. There were many cuddles and tears as the nurses and doctors ran tests and did checkups on us both, to make sure we were healthy. I was sore and more exhausted than I had ever been in my life. We were overwhelmed with learning the ins and outs of parenthood and taking care of this precious new life.

But, here we are. Nearly three months later and we're all still alive! Tired, but alive. haha

This little boy is getting bigger by the day and his smile leaves me in a puddle on the floor. Dax Hooper, you're our greatest adventure and we can't wait to see who you're going to be. <3